I'm a Mixture of Heaven and Hell

Heaven and hell are in me

Enjoying "Reading by Moonlight" by Brenda Walker.

I don’t need to go upwards to live in heaven or downwards to live in hell.

Heaven and hell are here on earth.

Heaven and hell are in countries, cities, companies and families.

Heaven and hell are in me.

This is what I mean . . .

My Hell

I went into the garden this morning. What met my eyes were winter weeds flourishing between pink everlastings I’d planted a month ago, so they’d be in flower by spring. Weeds are also overtaking the dahlias emerging from last year’s tubers which I’d staked to ensure I didn’t accidentally unearth them.

Suddenly a mini hell brews in my head. I don’t want weeds! Why did they grow? What a lot of work it will take to get rid of them! I hate weeds!

I email a top publishing company for permission to quote seven words from one of their books. I fill out the online form, and at the very end of the detailed process the screen tells me I need to pay them $499 for the privilege.

I see red flames and go hot in the face. What? That’s $71 a word! I’d have to sell at least 300 copies of the book I want to put the quote in to cover that cost! What cheek! Who do they think they are?

My Heaven

I went into the garden this morning. What met my eyes were winter weeds flourishing between pink everlastings I’d planted a month ago, so they’d be in flower by spring. Weeds are also overtaking the dahlias emerging from last year’s tubers which I’d staked to ensure I didn’t accidentally unearth them.

I marvel at the lushness of the weeds which indicates that the soil must be rich with nutrients. The weeds have been keeping the earth warm over winter. They should be fairly easy to pull out. I crouch and fossick between the everlastings to remove the weeds. The weak winter sun warms my back. A pair of nesting swans call to each other across the lake. These weeds will make good mulch. I work peacefully in the garden, glad I’m alive, thankful that I can spend time in this paradise, this little bit of heaven.

I email a top publishing company for permission to quote seven words from one of their books. I fill out the online form and at the very end of the detailed process the screen tells me I need to pay them $499 for the privilege.

Well, an author came up with seven words that succinctly sum up what I wanted to say. She did the hard work. She faced a blank page, struggled, agonized, rewrote. Why should I benefit for free? I loved her book and I’m glad it was published. Of course I can’t afford that fee but I can find another fitting quote in the public domain. I’m sure Rumi or Thoreau or Shakespeare said something equally pithy and true that I can use for free. It’ll be interesting doing a search for one. I smile and marvel at the incredible wisdom that can be found in human beings when we go quiet and deep.

*

My hell and heaven may seem petty. Many people are experiencing a hell I can’t even imagine because the world is a mixture of hellish and heavenly thoughts which result in hellish or heavenly emotions, actions and reactions.

I’m unable to solve this planet’s ills but I can make a tiny difference in my little sphere of influence by being aware of what I am creating: a little bit of heaven or a little bit of hell.

The cliché, We are what we are looking for, is worth considering in our quiet moments.

I don’t know what will happen when I die. That knowledge is beyond me. I suspect that if I’ve been causing hell or heaven on earth, I’ll find myself in a version of one or the other, if I find myself at all.

If you’re interested, the quote I wanted to include in my upcoming book (What the Wind Told Me – due out in November) is in Brenda Walker’s book, Reading by Moonlight: How Books Saved a Life. I can’t tell you what the quote is without paying $499 so I’ll just say that you can find the seven words on page 172 of her book, and that the book is worth buying (like I did), or borrowing from the library.

We each create our own heaven and hell throughout the day by how we live.

Just remember that it’s up to you whether you float up to heaven or sink into hell today.

With love, Marlane